The big rumor in June was that Metallica had turned itself into an alternative band, all dark eyeliner and moody melody. Then folks began actually listening to "Load" and realized it was the same old band, comfy as a favorite sweater. Two months later, Warrant -- yes, that hair band who thought they were Poison -- is attempting a similar comeback.

This time around, the outfit whose most notable impact on music was a gooey slice of sexism titled "Cherry Pie" fancies itself a hard-up alternative band. They've got depression, they've got torment, they've got insanity -- but it doesn't add up. The result is a half-baked batch of wannabe alterna-rock and a lot of unintentional humor.

"AYM," ("Angry Young Male") which opens with the profound lines "Generation X/We are complex" attempts to be the definitive work on this album, with Bobby Borg's pulsing drumbeat and Erik Turner's roiling guitars taking a stab at grunge. But Warrant has made its living riding on the coattails of the latest trend, and "Belly to Belly" is no different. At least if they'd stuck to their happy-go-lucky pop, they might sound inventive now.

The band has a go at philisophical depth in "In the End," lunacy in "Feels Good" and "Solid," and the avant-garde in "Coffee House Jam." They toss in random chunks of jazz, blues and psychedelia, but no amount of vocal distortion can hide Jani Lane's honeyed tenor. Even pleasant musical moments, like time-ticking of "Falling Down" or the sitars in "All 4 U," sound as if they've been lifted from more earnest sources.

"Belly to Belly" might make your skin crawl, but not the way in which it's intended. Warrant's attempt at angst is even smarmier than Hootie and the Blowfish's incessant good cheer. Lane can sing "I don't speak in cliches" all he wants, but it will take more than mere denial to convince people.

-- Beth Winegarner

This article was originally published in the San Francisco Chronicle.